Wonkette: The D.C. Gossip

WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: TODD PALIN MAY BE LOVER OF MANY LADIES

Jim Newell — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 01:29:16 +0000

Here’s one line of an e-mail from Wonkette tipster “Little R. Hen,” so secretive: “the first dude has a john edwards problem times ten zillion.” You heard it here first: Todd Plain gets four-thousand-zillion dollar haircuts. THERE ISN’T EVEN THAT MUCH MONEY ON EARTH, and yet.

Get To Know Your Fun Sarah Palin Anagrams!

Jim Newell — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 00:10:42 +0000

Wonkette linguistics operative “Shih Tzu” sends us a variety of hilarious anagrams for “Sarah Palin” and “Sarah Heath Palin.” (She is named after the dead joker, Heath Ledger, which is offensive.) “Sarah Palin gets you Sharia Plan — Palin is clearly a stealth Muslim radical. Sarah Heath Palin gets you Ha Ha, Alpine Trash, which is kind of mean. It also gets you Ahh Shit, Anal Rape.” Well my stars, this Sarah Palin is no role model for our daughters. [Shih Tzu's Live Journal]

Library of Congress Lowers Its Standards

Ken Layne — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 23:08:28 +0000

Your editor is sitting in the backseat of a gold Town & Country, like Hank Williams, as your other editors jabber up front and drive through the cornfields and cow hills of Nebraska. Let’s check the e-mail and see what’s … Oh goddamn, what does the Library of Congress want from your Wonkette?

To Whom It May Concern:

The United States Library of Congress has selected your Web site for inclusion in its historic collections of Internet materials related to Election 2008. The Library’s traditional functions, acquiring, cataloging, preserving and serving collection materials of historical importance to the Congress and to the American people to foster education and scholarship, extend to digital materials, including Web sites. We request your permission to collect your web site and add it to the Library’s research collections. We also ask that we be allowed to display the archived version(s) of your web site.

The following URL has been selected:

wonkette.com

Jim Newell — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 22:24:15 +0000

SARAH PALIN’S EXTENSIVE MILITARY EXPERIENCE: From a McCain statement about Sarah Palin: “As the head of Alaska’s National Guard and as the mother of a soldier herself, Gov. Palin understands what it takes to lead our nation and she understands the importance of supporting our troops.” And under Palin’s leadership, the Alaskan National Guard has pummeled northeastern Russia (our new Death Enemy) with some NUCLEAR WARBOMBS FROM SPACE, so we’re all set. [AP]

Sarah Palin’s Unknown Quality Sparks Tragic Internet Meme

Jim Newell — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 21:58:31 +0000

John McCain made a vice presidential choice, but no one knows her? Time to establish a complete waste-of-time TWITTER MEME in which one may use other INTERNET MEME JOKES to describe her. This is the most important Internet development since TUMBLR. Oh who are we kidding. We’re still getting over the lack of Mittens on this ticket, and it’ll take some time. [Twitter]

Cool Off With Huck The Dog In Rock Creek Park’s Turpentine Stream

Juli Weiner — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 20:12:22 +0000

Meet Huck, a Maverick golden retriever who discovered turpentine in a Rock Creek Park stream. He played in that stream for 5 1/2 years. [City Desk]
Maryland will eventually be as hot as the desert city of Phoenix, but at least it will be more humid! [DCist]
Mayor Fenty is anti-union, according to unions, who printed out fliers in color saying as much. [DC Examiner]
The only things still in DC are orphaned BlackBerrys, some losers who are embarrassed to even be there, and of course President Bush and his friend the president of Tanzania. [Washington Post]
Some Metro cars received bouncy handles of the future, which are prejudiced towards both short and tall people. [NBC 4]
The Washington Times cafeteria remains tragically barren, as diplomatic ties with the caterer are crumbling. [Fishbowl DC]

Your First Look At McCain-Palin’s America

Jim Newell — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 19:55:30 +0000

Thanks to Wonkette fine arts operative “Kevin” for sending us this sneak peek of the official new McCain-Palin poster. It is an image for the New America. Don’t hope for Change — Photoshop it.