Pshaw - talking without saying anything.

If you can't blog the one you love, blog the one you're with

2008-07-25T13:50:00.000-04:00

I don't update Pshaw as much anymore, as you may have noticed. However, if you're really itching to read my incoherent babbling, you can read the blog I have at work: TV Casualty. I update three to five times a WEEK instead of a year. I know. I'm scared, too.

I have a nephew!

2008-04-10T23:03:00.002-04:00

Samuel Philip Shulman, born April 10, 2008.

Dubya can pronounce "shoes"?

2008-03-27T16:01:00.002-04:00

From the Us Weekly website:

Rock Band - the geek couple's foreplay

2008-03-18T23:26:00.001-04:00

Phil: Your boyfriend totally got a 99% on Wave of Mutilation on medium.
Kat: Do me.
Phil: Singing and playing guitar at the same time. Like a grownup.
Kat: Stop it, I can't handle the sudden wave of desire.

There is a DIFFERENCE

2008-02-25T19:01:00.002-05:00

Phil: It's going to cost a lot of money to ship all my books.
Kat: You should just burn them.
Phil: That's my college graduate.
Kat: Excuse me?
Phil: Sorry, university graduate.
Kat: That's better. I am a university graduate, but I am a college dropout. I didn't spend half an hour dropping out of Humber to be called a college graduate, thankyouverymuch.

I don't think your love got the message, Remy Shand

2008-02-19T21:37:00.003-05:00

First, watch this.

A conversation from 2002 between Remy Shand and his then-wife, Maiko.

Remy: Baby!
Maiko: What, honey?
Remy: I did it. I did it! I got a recording contract!
Maiko: Oh my God! That's amazing! I'm so proud of you.
Remy: I'm going on tour and everything. You should come be my back-up singer.
Maiko: um... honey, I already have a job. I am part of SUGAR JONES, thankyouverymuch.
Remy: Right. Right. I understand. You don't love me.
Maiko: Ugh. Can we NOT do this? For fucking ONCE?
Remy: No, I totally understand. Your lame, manufactured pop group is more important than your self-made, soulful HUSBAND.
Maiko: Ugh. FINE. I will quit the band. I will tour with you and be your back-up singer. Can you shut up now?
Remy: Mm. I love you, baby. So much.
Maiko: Yeah.
Remy: But, baby, I've got more good news.
Maiko: Oh, Jesus fuck.
Remy: We're making a music video. And I want you to be in it.
Maiko: I was already IN a music video. For SUGAR JONES. "Days Like That," hello?
Remy: No, but this time, you'll be, like, the ONLY ONE to focus on. Or, like, one of TWO, at most.
Maiko: ...I guess that's still an improvement.
Remy: YEAH it is! Because I LOVE you.
Maiko: Uh huh.
Remy: So you're going to be the sexy, mysterious girl who is dancing sexily throughout the video.
Maiko: That doesn't sound so bad.
Remy: It's gonna be awesome! I even brought home your costume.
Maiko: ...What the fuck is this?
Remy: It's an electric blue satin headscarf! Put it on!
Maiko: I am not putting this on.
Remy: YOU DON'T LOVE ME.
Maiko: Fine, Jesus, it's on... I... I guess I can deal with this.
Remy: No, no, BABY, there is MORE.
Maiko: Of fucking course there is.
Remy: What sexy, mysterious girl would be complete without... wait for it...
Maiko: ...
Remy: ...A T-shirt with a giant CAT FACE SILK SCREENED ON THE FRONT. BOOYAH.
Maiko: No. NO.
Remy: What? What's wrong?
Maiko: Who the fuck would wear this? WHO THE FUCK WOULD WEAR THIS, REMY?
Remy: Oh, I don't know, I thought MY LOVING WIFE WOULD WEAR IT BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME BUT I GUESS SHE DOESN'T BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN MY DREAM.
Maiko: You're not going to shut up until I wear it.
Remy: Probably not.
Maiko: Fine.
Remy: I love you.
Maiko: I gave up Sugar Jones for you, you know.
Remy: Don't worry, baby. The only thing that will last longer than my music career is our love.

My boyfriend sure does love... himself

2008-02-13T12:19:00.002-05:00

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, Phil made a little something. Of course, he didn't make it for me.

It's good to know where his priorities lie.

AS BEEN SEEN ON OPRHA!

2008-01-20T00:30:00.001-05:00

AS BEEN SEEN ON OPRHA!, originally uploaded by Katanma.

For those who thought I was lying...

2008-01-15T17:25:00.001-05:00

From back when I deliriously posted about it, here are the photos I took with my phone:

Yes, I realize now that he is a reindeer and not a dog. But to me, he just looks like a wiener dog wearing antlers.

I couldn't get a good angle of it, but this is a cat in a Santa hat. Duh.

Also, don't forget that the cat ran down the terminal yelling "MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW!"

Four times on one screen does seem a little excessive

2008-01-14T21:20:00.000-05:00

This is from a few months ago and therefore might not be as pertinent anymore (I don't know; I don't use Rogers), but my friend Adam wrote a delightfully pissed-off blog entry about the Rogers website.

Adam always writes well and his site is put together very well. It's funny to remember that he once played a ghost in a play I wrote in grade three.

No more teachers, no more books

2008-01-09T17:10:00.000-05:00

About a month ago, one of my old bosses at Dose left to go work for the CBC. (Pff, like they're so great.) This meant that they had a job opening.

I spent the last semester in Humber's journalism program kicking bums and taking names, but I wasn't enjoying it all that much. I was stressed out all the time, and everyone else at Humber is surprisingly hostile to people in the journalism program. Because they're butts. Anyway, I was really missing working at Dose, easily the best job and one of the best experiences I've ever had.

So last week, I emailed my other old boss (meaning FORMER boss, not OLD boss) to tell her that I was interested in applying for the job. She quickly emailed back saying they missed having me around and that I should go in to talk to her about the job.

Apparently, "go in to talk to her about the job" meant I'd go in and she'd say, "YAY! YOU'RE COMING BACK!" Hardest job interview of my life.

So, as of today, I'm no longer a student at Humber, and starting on January 21, I'll be a full-time employee at Dose. I'll pretty much be doing everything I did while working there last summer -- making fun of celebrities; interviewing awesome people; reviewing movies; writing top 10 lists about pop culture -- except for more money and health benefits. Score! After 21 years in school, I'm finally done and entering GROWNUP LAND. Oh man. So weird, but so exciting.

I'm going to miss everyone from my program at Humber, but I'll make sure to see them as much as possible and rub my butt ALL OVER THEM.

Phil comes home for Christmas

2007-12-29T12:54:00.001-05:00

Doesn't he look happy?

BRING IT OOOOONNNN

2007-12-18T17:20:00.000-05:00

And it wasn't a fatigue-induced hallucination!

2007-12-15T10:45:00.000-05:00

Wow, the Seattle airport must have sensed how shitty a day/night/day I was having, because it just made my entire day/night/day super awesome.

Two guys in ridiculous costumes just went running down the terminal. One was dressed as a weiner dog and the other one as a crazy fat cat. Imagine Garfield and Odie on LSD. Yeah. That just went running down the terminal. And the cat was yelling "MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW" as they went.

And security wasn't chasing them! Leading me to think that this was an AIRPORT SANCTIONED MOMENT OF RIDICULOSITY.

I didn't imagine it, either. I got photos on my phone.

Of course, the fact that I haven't slept in a very, very long time probably makes it a lot funnier than it was. But I don't care.

In other news, I now have my new boarding pass and am sitting at the gate for where I will catch my bus. My bus at the airport.

MEOW MEOW MEOW.

Alone in the airport

2007-12-15T04:32:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting in the Seattle airport baggage claim. It's about 1:30 a.m. Pacific time. My flight to Wenatchee was cancelled because of bad weather, and while they did book a bus (!) to take us there, it doesn't leave until 11 a.m. Most of the people who were going to be on the flight live in Seattle, so they all went home. And, apparently, there are no other incoming flights right now. I'm seriously the only person in baggage claim. It's weird.

(Oh, yeah, and a big thank you to Horizon Air for refusing to pay for a hotel room for me. An entire night sitting in a crappy chair? No, Merry Christmas to you!)

Also, I've been up for a really long time and my mind's a little fuzzy.

On the bright side, I am able to watch an absolutely-horrible-and-therefore-awesome movie. Which movie? That would be the direct-to-DVD smash, Bring It On: In It To Win It. The opening shot of the movie is a banner that says "CHEER CAMP CHAMPIONSHIPS." And it features such wonderful lines as, "These two teams have stirred up a mess of controversy over what's most important in cheerleading: precision or flavor."

Damn. If only I had nine-and-a-half hours to fully enjoy this movie.

Edit: On GoogleTalk

Kat: The best part of this movie
Kat: Is that the two rival cheerleading teams
Phil: Are they the Sharks and the Jets?
Kat: They are the Sharks and the Jets.
Phil: Oh my.

On the bright side, my printer has never looked more beautiful

2007-12-13T21:36:00.000-05:00

Kat: Shit.
Phil: What?
Kat: My printer isn't working. I need to print out my tickets. I leave tomorrow.
Phil: What you done did?
Kat: It's not grabbing onto the paper that's in the tray.
Phil: Take paper out, turn it upside down, and put it back in. Jiggle it.
Kat: I've been doing that for the last 20 minutes. I added more paper, I took paper away, and I tried one piece at a time.
Phil: Is it making the feeding noise? Stuff is moving, it just isn't grabbing?
Kat: It grabs one side of the paper, sort of.
Phil: One side could be gummed up somehow. That'd make the whole roller not work well.
Kat: Crap.
Phil: What's the model number?
Kat: Oh, hang on... I think I found the problem.
Phil: Is the tray thing adjusted right?
Kat: One of my makeup brushes rolled off the back of my desk and into the paper tray.
Phil: ...That's my girl.
Kat: At least I didn't call tech support.

Emily Haines sucks anyway

2007-12-04T22:07:00.000-05:00

But, ugh, everytime I listen to Metric's "IOU" and she sings, "When she wishes, she wishes for less ways to wish for..." I cringe and yell, "'FEWER ways to wish for,' you grammatically incorrect hack!"

And then my roommates give each other a look, and I have to stay out of their way for a while.

Gellin' like...

2007-12-02T16:19:00.000-05:00

So after last week's 30 Rock, I told Kait I was "gellin' like Magellan." This, naturally, turned into a thing that went on far too long.

I'm so gellin' my genitals are swellin'.
You know how much James Dean was rebellin'? That's how much I'm gellin'.
Like home school kids are comparatively excellin', I am SOOO gellin'.
Like Portia de Rossi loves Ellen, that's how much I'm gellin'.
I'm gellin' like a felon.
I'm gellin' like Tori Spellin'.
I'm a gellin' feller like Helen Keller. ("Didn't see that one coming? NEITHER DID SHE.")
I'm gellin' like Harry Potter was bestsellin'.
Like the Bog of Eternal Stench was smellin', I'm gellin'.
I'm gellin as sure as Eskimos are igloo-dwellin'.
I'm gellin' like Stanley was "STELLA!" -in'.
Like Howard Dean is yellin', I'm gellin'. ("TAKE THAT, 2004!")
The way AIDS patients are T-cellin' is inversely proportional to how much I'm gellin'.

Goddamn M. Night Shamalamadingdong

2007-11-24T21:58:00.001-05:00

Signs isn't a good movie. Mel Gibson, HUGE plot holes, and a twist ending that makes no sense.

So why do I cry EVERY DAMN TIME I see Mel Gibson get his faith back at the end? SERIOUSLY.

And yes, Shesh, I know I cry at everything, so shut up.

South Park come to life

2007-11-23T19:54:00.001-05:00

I've been playing Text Twist a lot because, well, my useless magazine class is three hours long and I'll be damned if I'm gonna pay attention for all of it.

For those who don't know, in each round, you're presented with six letters, and you have to make as many words as possible out of them. To proceed to the next round, though, you have to figure out the six-letter word that uses those letters.

I'm playing today, and this is what I get:

NIGEGR

The answer, obviously, is "GINGER." I got that answer right away. There is no truth to the rumour that I spent thirty seconds going, "There is no way they included that as a word, that is horrible and whoever did that should be fired" before saying, "oh, wait, ginger, right."

Anyone who tells you otherwise is a GODDAMNED LIAR.

Dating Michael Buble would age me, too

2007-11-23T13:53:00.000-05:00

Dude. Emily Blunt is my age? I thought she was, like, 30.

Happy birthday to me!

2007-11-06T13:05:00.000-05:00

I'm 24 today! The same age Geri Halliwell was when the Spice Girls became popular! I remember thinking, "Damn, she is old."

So how am I spending my birthday? Since I don't have class on Tuesdays, this is what I've done so far:

Woke up
Ate a bagel
Read the forty gabazajillion Facebook messages that people sent me (thank you!)
Interviewed one of my former professors about pubic hair

Pretty typical, really.

How to make your friend's boyfriend hate you the first time you meet him

2007-10-27T14:07:00.000-04:00

I was at Christie's Halloween party last night (I dressed up as the Sweatpants Fairy, an idea I totally stole from my friend Joan), and I met her boyfriend, who was dressed as G.I. Joe.

Sweatpants Fairy: So, you're Christie's boyfriend.
G.I. Joe: Yep!
Sweatpants Fairy: So what's this I hear about you not staying over the other night because your contact lens solution was at your apartment?
G.I. Joe: I'm playing hard-to-get.
Sweatpants Fairy: That's stupid. She's going to get bored and stop having sex with you.
G.I. Joe: Well, you know Geminis; they're very fickle.
Sweatpants Fairy: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see your GIANT VAGINA underneath your costume.
G.I. Joe: [uncomfortable laughter] [walks away]

BA-ZING!

Bwa!

2007-10-14T20:34:00.000-04:00

The best review of restaurant I've ever read:

"I was wating for a friend to show up. The waiter came up to me and said 'I don't mind your kind here but please use the men's washroom.' I didn't understand what he meant since I'm a woman. I asked him to explain and he got very agressive. I guess he thought I was a drag queen, but I'm not. This is very insulting and I will never be back. I don't look that bad. Also when I was leaving he made some horrible Cher joke."

Man, if the Red Lion weren't already one of my favourite pubs, it would be now.

This is why I should not be allowed to pick my own topic

2007-10-11T23:28:00.001-04:00

Listening to: Band of Horses, "Lamb of the Lam (In The City)"

My assignment for my magazine class this week is to write a query letter to a magazine. For those who don't know, a query letter is basically a one-page letter you send off to a magazine. In it, you propose an article for their publication, and you have to convince them that it's a good story and that you're the best person to write it. We're not actually sending these letters out (though we probably could, if we wanted to); it's just an assignment for class.

I chose Shameless magazine, and I'm proposing a story about Brazilian waxes, and how they can make sex more pleasurable but at the same time basically tell women that they were at their sexiest before they hit puberty.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to write a query letter on this subject without making dirty puns? DO YOU?

"Before Sex and the City, the presence of pubic hair on women was not only normal, it was expected. But once Carrie Bradshaw hyped up the wonderful Brazilian wax, it was beef curtains for pubic hair."

I cannot put that in an assignment for school. BUT I WANT TO SO BAD.