Overheard in Minneapolis

It Does?!

oim — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 02:15:58 +0000

Druggie girl: Dude, why does this always happen to me around lunchtime? My body, like, empties itself just so I can fill it up again!

Robbinsdale, Cooper High School Lunchroom
Overheard by It’s called poopin’, sweetheart.

I’ll Even Join You In Detention

oim — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 02:08:17 +0000

Guy: I will get you anything you want, I mean anything, if you walk back from lunch with your hand down my pants.
Girl: But we are already walking back from lunch, silly.
Guy: Starting now, if you walk back with your hands down my pants, I will get you anything.
Girl: Anything?

Plymouth, Wayzata High School
Overheard by really?

Why Do I Feel Like That Was The Wrong Choice?

oim — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 01:53:25 +0000

Mid twenties man to friend outside bar: So, with an extra two hundred and fifty dollars lying around from my dad, I thought I’d go to the zoo. Because Amsterdam has a fucking sweet zoo.

Minneapolis, Sgt. Prestons
Overheard by there are other things in amsterdam i’d rather do.

Not As Legal, Though

oim — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 01:52:09 +0000

5 year old son (picking up pen at store check out): What do you use this for?
Mother: I have to sign my name when I pay.
5 year old son: Oh. So are you going to sign M-O-M for mom?
Mother: No, I’m going to sign Michelle.
5 year old son: Really? Because it’d be WAY faster if you just wrote “Mom”.

MOA
Overheard by That’s just adorable…

There’s Just Something About It…

oim — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 01:29:07 +0000

20-something year old girl: You know, slavery just bugs me.

MOA
Overheard by Just “bugs”?

The Weed Probably Makes It Unisex

oim — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 01:21:57 +0000

Girl, talking about getting weed on an airplane: My friend used a pad once. She just cut it open and shoved the bag right in!
Confused boy: (long pause) Aren’t those for girls?

Minneapolis, Park
Overheard by L.

For Now

oim — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 02:01:53 +0000

Post-lunch guy to friend: Is he still in that long distance marriage thing?

Saint Paul, Bethel University
Overheard by aeh.

A Few More Weeks And They’ll Be Totally Covered

oim — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 01:57:02 +0000

Effeminate man to friend: You know what sucks about it being chilly out?
Friend: What?
Man: Ugly people look even uglier when in layers.

U of M, Washington Ave Bridge
Overheard by A.

Pancakes Plus Will Save You

oim — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 01:53:23 +0000

IT guy: When the nukes start flying, that’s where I’m going. Perkins.

Lakeville, The Office
Overheard by I’m going to Chipotle.

I’m So Proud Of Him!

oim — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 01:48:42 +0000

Drunk, white trash guy: No, girl! That was my step-daddy! My real daddy’s a gang banger. Shiiiiiiiit, girl.

Shakopee, Trail of Terror, Hayride

Who Can Be Sure

oim — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 01:45:37 +0000

Roommate #1: But if she has a denty-face…
Roommate #2: Well, that has no bearing on her sphincter.

U of M apartment
Overheard by Roommate #3.

There’s No Way Around That

oim — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 01:44:23 +0000

Middle-aged woman (to girls in their early 20s): You all look so great, I love your dresses. What did you girls do today?
Girl: Thank you, we all went to brunch this morning.
Middle-aged woman: Well, you look so sharp. (pauses, waits until girls walk away, turns to friend) Ugh, I wish I didn’t have kids so I could go to brunch!

St. Paul, Downtown, Art Crawl
Overheard by A.

It’s Warm

oim — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 01:28:03 +0000

Man in stall #1: Hey, who poops ON the seat? Sick!
Man in stall #2: You mean, who poops in the seat?
Man in stall #1: You can’t poop in the seat, you poop in the bowl.
Man in stall #2: Wait, why are you sitting in poop?!?

Minneapolis, Chambers Kitchen Men’s Room
Overheard by I think I’ll hold it.

He’ll Have The Baddest Beard In The 6th Grade

oim — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 01:05:55 +0000

5th Grade Boy to Friend: I’m a man! I have pubes and you don’t!

Duluth, Lowell Elementary
Overheard by mhac.

I’d Like To Hear From The Guys On This

oim — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 01:02:49 +0000

Ditsy girl talking to friend: Well, my boyfriend… and I don’t know if you know this but a lot of guys, when they drink, wet the bed.

Melrose Apartment Complex, U of M
Overheard by No sweetie, that’s just what he tells you.

It Was A Swan, Wasn’t It?

oim — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 03:18:08 +0000

Girl #1: How was your cousin’s wedding?
Girl #2: Oh my god, it was the fanciest wedding I’ve ever been to. Like, they had an ice sculpture and everything.

Plymouth, Wayzata High School
Overheard by and we all know ‘ice sculpture’ is synonymous for ‘fancy’.

Just The Lake Street Target

oim — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 03:14:33 +0000

College boy: I feel really awkward shopping here now, ’cause they’ve got all the Domo-kun posters up.
College girl: Domo-kun? Oh, that.
College boy: You know that picture of him and the kittens? Every time I come in here, it’s like “Don’t masturbate!”
College girl: Every time you shop at Target, God kills a kitten!

Minneapolis, Lake Street Target

That’s The Documented Procedure

oim — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 03:08:57 +0000

Office Building Tenant: Oh, and I just wanted to let you know there was a fire in the dumpster last week. I looked for the security guard in the building, but couldn’t find him. I didn’t know who else to notify, so I just went home.

Minneapolis, Campus Office Building
Overheard by Uh… how about 911?

And Now We’re Telling Everyone Else

oim — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 03:06:10 +0000

Boy, to girl behind him: Yeah, he totally told everyone he has herpes.

Hopkins High School
Overheard by wow… just wow.

I Listen To Music To Make Potty Time Easier

oim — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 03:01:03 +0000

Teacher: Do you have to go potty?
2-year-old girl: I don’t go potty anymore; I listen to music.

Wayzata, Community Church