lilyofthevalleyinjapan's Xanga

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 13:10:30 GMT

Im going to Yakushima this weekend!! The island of the ancient cedars!!

Friday, July 20, 2007

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 02:24:15 GMT

I went to Hiroshima this weekend. While visiting the peace museum, I was very ambivalent (I just learned the real meaning of this word) for the most part. It was strange to be able to empathize with the Japanese victims in a more profound way having lived here for a year but also still feel a guilt that comes from being a member of the perpetrating country. Visiting the site of the detonation and seeing the one building that they left standing is entirely surreal. It is like finding an arrowhead in your backyard and realizing that you are only a member in a long train of human beings. And it is also a profound reminder of destruction. The A-bomb was an astounding thing. It completely destroyed everything for kilometers, and so fast. It makes visiting the museum very different than visiting the German death camps. There are so many pictures and emotional stories to be told from the concentration camps because the deaths were long in coming and the destruction was bloody rather than absolute. In Hiroshima, there was no one to take pictures and far fewer stories to be written. 140,000 people died within a few days. Most of them were kids who had been brought in to do destruction work as a precaution for the fire-bombing that was common at the time. A large percentage of the people at the epicenter of the blast were junior-high kids.

War at this time in human history seems so removed from its roots of fighting for resources. It is now a product of so much more than base needs. It is brought on by pride and fear- fear more than anything I think. And its much too big. Before, there were rules and battlefields. Now there is only mass destruction and terror tactics. This world is not too much for us- it is too small for us. And there are too many people for me to comprehend. I want to be filled with love- but there is so much loving to do- where do I start- how do I start- where is my love needed.

I had my last day with students today. I gave a speech in Japanese. I choked up once. The kids gave me letters- and in some way- they provided a reassurance for my being here. I love these kids- and for some of them- it meant a lot to be able to make letters for me.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 06:50:13 GMT

And the intervals of my writing get wider and wider...

I just finished reading Brave New World. A fascinating book, so much better than I thought that it would be. I had pictures of The Giver in my head when I kept returning BNW to the bookshelf again and again to be waded through later. But it brings up some profound questions. We bleeding hearts, social compassionates, NPO types are always wanting to meet the needs of the people. To give them food, end their wars, keep them warm and safe. We want their happiness, and we struggle to determine what that means. But Aldous Huxley shows us what that means- his book is called a dystopian novel, but I think its really a utopia. A genuine utopia. A happy society is one where needs are met. Contentment comes from community, from purpose. But what if everybody really had those things? Wouldn't it truly mean the end of struggle, the end of excitement, the end of mystery, the end of desire and love. And how much do we really want to abandon those things? Just a bit? Just until people aren't hungry and naked anymore? Just until everyone can read? Just until everyone has a community to which they belong? If God's or the Universe's final purpose is community and sated desires, do we really want to be a part of that purpose? Can the real, modern human really appreciate the wonderful, feely existence of a happy world? Do our present moments of elation really need our world's wars, famines, and rapes? Do your moments of joy need your brother's moments of pain?

I practiced Zazen meditation at a monastery this weekend. I found that I am too western for eastern meditation. The whole point is to exist peaceful and without imposition in the present moment. But if I sit for thirty minutes in a position that causes my hips to start aching at 15 minutes, I want to have come to some important conclusions by the end of my half an hour. I am far too western.

I also went to an art show this weekend, and I found what I think is my new favorite artist. I have never enjoyed a group of paintings more. I will post a couple here, but the artist uses so much texture that this medium doesn't really do his works justice. His name is Tchinai.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Mon, 07 May 2007 23:19:07 GMT

I have never had so much free time on my hands. I dont study Japanese the way that I should, but even if I did, I would still have hours of free time every day. I think I may go crazy. It is so lonely to be this free and have no one to share it with face to face. Any ideas of what to do with all of this time??

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 03:03:44 GMT

I am moving to Seattle in August, and Ruth is coming too!! We are so excited!! We will find new jobs and live together. WoooHoooooo!!!!!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 05:53:06 GMT

Went skydiving today!! Follow this link to see the video. I will write more about it later.

http://www.realxstream.com/?XStreamID=69325&Vid=1

Monday, March 19, 2007

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 23:49:17 GMT

So, I found the programs that I thought were only fabricated rumors. The exact programs that I have been hoping to stumble across some day. They are called Teaching Fellows. You can become a normal teacher, with a normal salary and work on your Master's (or in some of them, just certification) at the same time. And, there is one in New York City and one in the Mississippi Delta. So, now I just have to apply to all of them and go wherever I get accepted. (Please, please God, don't let it be Indianapolis) The New York and Mississippi programs are the only ones that lead to a completed master's, but the others leave you only about 12 credits away from one, so they would be okay I guess. I'm a bit elated to have found what I really really needed to find.

The cherry blossoms should be blooming soon. I may miss out on two full weeks of them, but I will get a bit at least. One friend described the time as magical. I could use some magical.

I like you too Teej. A whole, whole lot.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 02:22:58 GMT

I haven't been writing lately in part because I feel there is not much definitive enough to be written about and partly because I will be coming home so soon and feel like I can tell you all that needs to be said once I get there. Primarily, I am excited about coming home. I think that being in America, even if only for two weeks, will be very clarifying. And, I am very eager to see my people. I will be there for a wedding and for the birth of my brother and sister-in-law's baby. Very fortuitous.

I am confused lately. About most everything. And I was talking to Daniel last night- and he said to me something like 'Do you think Ultimate Frisbee is a stupid thing to plan around?' Which I've thought through before- but it reminded me that I had come to the conclusion that there aren't too many stupid things to plan around as long as you don't allow something to become the only thing in your life. Whatever brings you real joy should not be ignored, and you shouldn't persuade yourself that it is not worthy. I love that Daniel has a thing that he knows that he wants to pursue. He has a direction. I want to identify what my thing is, and how to get it. So, in the spirit of that- I am writing a list of things that fill me-

Dancing
Choir
Learning
Literature
Conversation
Walking around in beautiful places
Teaching

So, where must I go and what must I do to find all of these things? I think I know a few good answers, but my debt and future debts darken the horizon of every possibility. I hate that I don't have money. I hate that I need money.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 05:05:39 GMT

So, it's been a while. Today, one of the Japanese teachers that I spend my time assisting told me that I do a really good job, that I will make a great private school teacher, and that she really appreciates me- that was nice.

I have basically only been reading and going to visit people on the weekends- which all in all, is not too bad a life. I will have read three books in three weeks in a couple of days. And, this weekend we had a party about two hours from here where 45 people crowded into a three room house, and 32 of them spent the night. I slept in a car. Not fun. But the party was good. It will be interesting to find out when I return whether I like these people because they are really great or because they speak English. I sometimes can't tell the difference too readily anymore.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 03:58:31 GMT

I took a new job yesterday near Tokyo. So, come August, I will be moving to the big city. It will definitely be a change of pace. I guess there is still time to back out if I really feel like it is not a good fit- but it is the plan for now.

I am having a good day at work today, which is really nice!!