I’m going to get a flipping ticket.

I stop as requested and realize that the cop standing in front of my car isn’t looking at me, he’s looking at . . .

A bear. A bear running across my path. I’m serious as the heart attack I nearly had. I even have proof. Somehow I found my wits and whipped out my cellphone, which explains the absolutely craptacular picture. But hey, at least I got one!

“Sorry,” the cop calls out to me as I watched, mouth hanging open, at the bear looking right at me. “I’m not sure what to do with him, but I don’t want him to get hit. Get along!” he yelled at the bear, and the bear galloped off into the sunset.

Okay, not really, but holy smokes. A bear. In the high school parking lot. Only me. Only me . . .

Shoot me.

That’s how much I hate the mall. Plus we have to drive out of the California Sierras and into Reno, Nevada to even find one. Plus I had two additional teenage friends, which makes four, which really in teenage years makes TWENTY-FIVE.

On second thought, don’t shoot me. Send cookies.

Anyway, after the horror of dress shopping, we stepped into Waldenbooks to visit TO ALL A GOODNIGHT, my latest release. Or any of my past releases. I just love to see my books on the shelves. Only I wasn’t on the shelves. So I go up to the guy behind the counter and say “do you have TO ALL A GOODNIGHT? It was released last week.”

Middle adds, “That’s my mom’s book”.

The guy didn’t acknowledge her.

“She wrote it,” Middle said a little louder.

Still, nothing, as the guy worked his computer.

“Mom, if they don’t have YOUR book, that YOU wrote on the shelves, let’s go to a different bookstore.”

Sigh. I know she was trying to help, and being very funny while she was at it, but the guy could care less. “It’s still in a box in the back,” he said with a shrug. “Probably.”

“What about SUPERB AND SEXY?” I asked. “It was a May release.”

“Nope. Sold out.”

And clearly they never ordered more. And here’s the thing. As a writer, I used to think all I had to do was write a good book, and people would eventually find it and buy it. Apparently not. Because how can people buy the book if it’s not even shelved for Pete’s sake. I mean let’s make my job of attempting to make a living even HARDER. Please.

(note to people who would like to buy my book and can’t find it on the shelves, please ask, coax, whine that the store order it for you, and we’ll be friends for life, thank you)

After this humiliating experience, I needed ice-cream. A double. And that’s when I decided, if this whole book writing thing doesn’t work out, I’ll get a job at an ice-cream joint. I bet they never run out of chocolate …

Daily.

Goodnight to Oldest and Alpha Man and their twin bad attitudes when I tell them it’s last run.

Goodnight to the two of them, two peas in a pod, cracking each other up as Oldest gets on her wakeboard.

Goodnight to watching Alpha Man watch the water like it’s his long lost lover . . .

Goodnight to the gorgeous lake, which will soon be iced over.

Goodnight to Alpha Man taking his boat off the lake for the last time this year, and don’t let his smile fool you, he’s crying like a little girl inside . . .

Goodnight lake. Goodnight boat. Goodnight moon.

Well, I’ll tell you. He started this new job and the client isn’t a dog person, and the guy left his truck open and his lunch out (who does that???) and Mountain Barbie being Mountain Barbie, hopped up into the guy’s truck.

And ate his lunch.

Yeah. Are you seeing where this is going? Where it’s going is that Mountain Barbie is now grounded from that particular jobsite, and the person who is going to pay?

That would be me.

Are you sensing an attitude? Huh, go figure. In any case, Alpha Man has a new name — Dead Husband Walking.

Oh, and while you’re here? Could you tell me what your favorite color walls are? I’m asking because my walls are all eggshell because Alpha Man, before he become Dead Husband Walking, build this house and he didn’t want the walls to clash with his admittedly gorgeous wood trim. But I’m painting some walls. You know, while I’m grounded. Looking for advice on your favorite colors . . .

Oldest (from UCLA):
Mom, what do I wash my colors and whites in, cold or hot?

Me:
Well I’m not all that great at laundry, so you probably want to—

I was interrupted by another text from her:
Nevermind, Mom. I asked Dad and he said not to do what you said because I’ll end up with pink whites.

Me:
One time. This happened one time.

Her:
He says it happened weekly, which is why he now does the laundry.

Me:
Tell him to bite me.

Her:
He says that you saying that just proves he’s right.

Me:
Tell him he can expect spaghetti for dinner. (he hates spaghetti)

Her:
Mom, I’m now in class. Do you think you can bicker directly with your husband on your own?

“The Cab Ride I’ll Never Forget”
by Kent Nerburn

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

Dooce said: “the last three paragraphs just about killed me” and I felt the same. For most of the day I’m in my own little bubble, but this knocked me out of it. I hope it does the same for you. Be nice to each other, it’s a tough, scary world out there. Hugs, Jill

So I watch movies. And TV on DVD. And commercials. Oh, and I do read cereal boxes. This weekend we had a marathon, we saw MAID OF HONOR (eh), SEX IN THE CITY (funny and more touching than I’d expected it to be), BIG DADDY (hey, it was $3.00), THE BREAKFAST CLUB (ohmigod, I had forgotten how much I LOVE this movie) and DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES, season 3.

By far and a million votes, THE BREAKFAST CLUB was our favorite. I love everything about this movie, including that the 80’s was my high school era. Back in the day (it drives my kids crazy when I say ‘back in the day’ so therefore I try to say it a lot) I had quite the crush on Emilio.

ANYWAY, my point, and yes I have one, is that books are my number one love, but in a pinch, movies really do it for me as well.

You?

P.S. I realize I have to name winners for the contest, and also send out ARCs but my brain is tired. Tune back in later and I’ll get it all handled. Oh, and my mouse keeps sticking (I need to stop eating cookies over my keyboard) and there’s a squirrel in my attic and Mountain Barbie puked up Middle’s candy stash. Gee, it must be Monday.

I just got ARCs (advanced reading copies) of INSTANT ATTRACTION, my 2/09 Brava. If you’re interested in reviewing this book and posting the reviews at Amazon, BN, and/or your blog, or wherever you happen to go go read book reviews (read more about the book here), let me know in your comments and I’ll get back to you about sending you a copy. Spread the word.

And now back to our regularly scheduled program. I got this text from Oldest yesterday and it cracked me up big time:

So hot. Heavy books. Across campus. Wore pants. Dumb ass.

Poor thing, she’s not used to the LA heat, but I have to admit, I do love that she is now writing me to complain. She used to be here in person to complain and when she left, that was the only thing I wasn’t going to miss. Apparently I’m still not going to miss it.

Goodness, I miss that girl!!!

I mean, come on, that can’t be comfortable! And second, and most importantly, why does she fart and then leap up like a shot and whirl in a circle trying to see her own ass? The other day poor Alpha Man had a client over and they were having a rather serious discussion, and then suddenly there’s the unmistakable sound of a dog letting one fly, and then the “what the hell is my ass doing” dance. Hand to heaven, she does this every single time.

Like I always say, thank God she’s pretty.

P.S. To All A Good Night, has gone back to press and it doesn’t even hit the stores until this weekend, so woo-hoo, thank you to all who pre-ordered this baby!! SO HUGELY appreciated!!